Back in about 2003, I tried to build my own MAME cabinet. I got a few sheets of particle board, some 2x4s and started building. I threw in a Pentium 4 (remember those?) running Windows XP (I think — might’ve been Win95), attached a big-ass 25″ CRT monitor (thing had to weigh 70lbs), attached a two player i-pac, a few buttons and I was off!

I was the hit of our cul de sac.

It sat in the basement and got a lot of attention for months. But, my kids got older, their friends stopped coming over, and eventually it took up more space than it merited. It was fun, but I never finished it. Honestly, it was a piece of shit looks-wise. I wish I had some pictures so I could share it’s unfinished, un-bezeled, unpainted glory.

Shortly after I started breaking it down to throw it away, I ran across ~crapmame at wickedretarded.com.

I even like the name.

It was irreverent. It was funny. It made me laugh at people who shared my plight of the grandest plans to build the most awesomest cabinet evah and how those plans crashed head-on into reality once the saw blade came out and the amount of work became evident.

I seriously laughed out loud like a madman when I read the words, “PAC-MATT IS TAKING THE FUCK OFF!!”

I don’t know who actually wrote the original CrapMAME, but he has been an influence on my life ever since. It was the first time I saw that style of writing (I didn’t know who Maddox was either) and to this day I still use “for the sake of fuck” in day-to-day conversation. Whoever you are, if you read this, contact me and I’ll buy you a beer — or a case of beer (or what-the-fuck-ever you want to drink).

This is all in fun. Sure, somebody’s ego might take a little beating to see their pride and joy lambasted by anonymous asswipes on the interwebs, but Tim Berners-Lee didn’t create www so we could all be nice to each other. Besides, I know first hand the six stages of building your own MAME cabinet:

  1. Excitement: You see the possibilities and decide that you’re going to build your own cabinet!
  2. Anticipation: I can’t wait for all the pieces to arrive!
  3. Joy: Everything is here. Time to start building!!
  4. Realization: Holy shit. This is a lot of work. Oh, fuck! I forgot some pieces. Dammit, these pieces aren’t fitting together how I expected.
  5. Acceptance: OK. I just build a CrapMAME cabinet.
  6. Fun: Fuck it. Turn it on and have a blast!!

Enjoy this site. If you want to white-knight in the comments, knock yourself out, but I’ll probably make fun of you too because that’s what I do.